Shallow Hal

by Mark Rivers

The Farrelly brothers, as far as I know, are not Jews. They are the most obsessed fecophiliacs in the industry, however, and this could be why Jews so readily promote and distribute their films in wide release. For their latest film, "Shallow Hal," the producers are the same five or six people the Farrelly brothers have been working with for most of their career. Some of the producers may be Jews or other non-Whites, but I could find nothing definite to confirm their ethnicity.

So, I looked at the bigger picture. "Shallow Hal" was released by 20th Century Fox, a division of Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation, Ltd. Rupert Murdoch is not a Jew. Some of the literate Anti-Racist Agitators put down their spleefs and start typing that very statement anytime that Jewish control of the media is brought up. However, if you've read "Who rules America?" at, you know that Murdoch put Jew Peter Chernin in charge of 20th Century Fox, and his Semitic influence is evident in every movie they make. In April 2001 Murdoch was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and the investors don't seem too worried about the company dissolving in the event of his death. One investor said, "If Rupert got hit by a bus tomorrow, we'd be very secure with the knowledge that Peter would still be standing."

In 1999, our good ol' Gentile friend Rupert, then 70, divorced his wife of 31 years and married 32-year-old Chinese TV personality Wendy Deng. At last report, they had at least one child together. So, saying that no non-Whites are calling shots at 20th Century Fox, now or in the future, is a little premature.

"Shallow Hal" stars Jew Jack Black as a short, stubby bachelor who always sets his sights on tall, beautiful women. When he meets feel-good huckster Tony Robbins in an elevator, Robbins uses his finely-honed skills as a motivational speaker to convince Hal that, from that moment on, he will see only the inner beauty in people.

You can probably figure out where it goes from there. He meets Rosemary, the woman of his dreams, played by half-Jew Gwyneth Paltrow. They hit it off, though she cannot figure out why he is so attracted to her, since she is a grossly obese behemoth. Hal's equally shallow best friend, played by Jew Jason Alexander (real name: Jay Scott Greenspan), not wanting Hal to throw his life away with this fat monster, finds Tony Robbins and gets the code word that will make Hal snap out of it.

Hal, by this time, has fallen in love with Rosemary, and he doesn't want to be driven away by the reality of her appearance. At the end, though, he puts aside his shallowness once and for all, and he declares his unconditional love for Rosemary, fat or no fat.

"Shallow Hal" is far too preachy to be a comedy, and there are not nearly enough fart jokes for it to be a bona-fide Farrelly brothers movie. It looks like they got halfway done with the movie, suddenly realized that it was not nice to make fun of fatties, pediatric burn victims or cripples, then slapped on a whole mess of treacle.

Rosemary works for the Peace Corps, which does good for the poor, starving, oppressed, underprivileged, I'm-sure-they'll-do-better-once-they-have-my-financial-support Africans. This is one of the qualities that makes her so "beautiful on the inside," as it does with her fellow Peace Corps workers.

There are no negroes in principal roles in "Shallow Hal," and only one non-White; a roly-poly Hawaiian (one of the Peace Corps workers) who transforms into a buff surfer-type in Hal's eyes. It strikes me as strange that the Farrelly brothers would not try to put in a negro or two, especially since two of their biggest hits ("There's Something About Mary" and "Me, Myself & Irene") featured "intelligent negroes," whose favorite pastimes were having sex with White women and beating up/humiliating White men.

Then it occurred to me: if there had been negroes in "Shallow Hal," we would have run the risk of seeing one who was ugly on the inside. In fact, only one person was made to look ugly on the inside, and she was White. A young, somewhat attractive nurse looks to Hal like a withered old hag, because deep down she's nothing but a foul-tempered gold-digger.

The movie also doesn't explain why Hal's crippled friend (Rene Kirby) doesn't suddenly grow legs, or why Hal's sexy neighbor (Susan Ward) stays sexy when viewed through Hal's eyes. Doesn't this just mean that her inner beauty is every bit as good as her outer beauty? In that case, why not go with her, and have the best of both worlds?

Oh, who cares? "Shallow Hal" is a complete waste of time, so don't bother with it.

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