From Hell

by Mark Rivers

In interviews, the negro Hughes brothers said that they had been offered non-racial scripts before, but that, for a long time, they preferred doing movies like Menace II Society and Dead Presidents. Why? Well, they are negroes after all. Worse, they are negroes who have been shaved and taught to speak, and White people around the country are now seeing their latest film, From Hell, so we can be reminded once again just how evil and racist we are, even when we're not really trying to be.

From Hell stars Johnny Depp as a London police inspector who is assigned to the famous "Jack the Ripper" case. Now, I've seen a few documentaries on this subject on PBS and Discovery through the years, each of which puts forth the various theories on the Ripper's elusive identity. I have no idea who Jack the Ripper was. All I know is, he was most likely NOT inspired by The Turner Diaries, so at least we've got that going for us.

So -- who was Jack the Ripper? Was he a doctor, a Freemason, a nobleman or just a common nutcase? With Johnny Depp on the case (assisted by Robbie Coltrane), you can bet it will be solved in short order. The story unfolds like this:

A tight-knit gaggle of Whitechapel prostitutes is being extorted by the neighborhood gangster pimps. A former colleague of theirs, now married to a rich gentleman, offers to pay the protection fees, but she and her husband are carried off by some thugs. The most attractive prostitute, the one with the heart of gold (Heather Graham), squirrels away her friend's infant and returns with her co-workers to the dark and dangerous streets.

The former colleague is sent to an asylum and lobotomized, and the members of the "ho" clique get slaughtered one by one. Johnny Depp investigates, falls in love with Heather Graham, solves the murder and overdoses on opium. Robbie Coltrane cries. Heather Graham escapes, moves back to Ireland and raises the child as her own. The end.

In an earlier review, I speculated that the negro Hughes brothers might well figure out a way to slip in a noble ape somewhere. After all, setting a film in an environment in which no negroes are known to exist has never stopped Hollywood from conjuring up a couple dozen of them, ready to fight crime, stop aliens, cure cancer or simply get martyred.

Thankfully, there was not a hint of a negro in the film. The martyrs in From Hell are Jews, which should not come as a surprise to anyone. The evil, White, European racist establishment make repeated references to Jews and other "foreign devils" as suspects, and they even point the finger at "red savages" from America. Only the enlightened opium addict Johnny Depp is open-minded enough to see past his fellows' racist dogma.

In the movie, Jack the Ripper turns out to be the royal physician (Ian Holm), assisted by his fellow Freemasons, including a police "Special Branch" officer, a handy surgeon and the mad, syphilitic Prince Edward, who is also the rich husband of the former prostitute.

Since the Prince married the Catholic prostitute, and produced a royal heir with her, all parties with the knowledge of their union must be silenced. That's why the prostitutes are targeted; they were all present at the wedding, not knowing that the groom was actually a Prince of the realm.

So, once the murders are over, the Freemasons cover it all up and lobotomize the nutty royal physician. The negro Hughes brothers also make it very clear that the Queen herself had knowledge of the plan, though she found the multiple murders a bit grisly. Oh well, it's all to preserve the integrity of the throne, isn't it? Care for some tea and crumpets, gov'nah?

From Hell is the negro Hughes brothers attempt to make a movie that doesn't revolve around underprivileged chimp children lashing out at their White oppressors. It's not a very good attempt, though. So, once they've stocked up on drugs, prostitutes, gold chains, pagers and guns, I'm sure they'll use some of the millions they were given to return to the genre that made them a crackhousehold name.

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