The Glass House

by Mark Rivers

There may be Jews associated with the production of The Glass House. Frankly, I'd be stunned to find any movie without at least a few of them behind the scenes. The director is Daniel SACKHEIM, and one of the producers is Neal MORITZ, so there are a couple of PJs, anyway. SACKHEIM has spent most of his career making TV shows, and the writer (Wesley Strick) and producers (MORITZ, Michael I. Rachmil and Heather Zeegen) have been making crap movies like Urban Legends and I Still Know What you Did Last Summer.

The Glass House stars teen hottie Leelee Sobieski as Ruby Baker, a typical California 16-year-old; she spends her evenings raising hell with her gal-pal clique, which, of course, includes a negress. "Hey teen girls! Be like the popular kids! Hang around with as many negroes as you can!" Ruby and her friends do "bad things" like smoke cigarettes and cruise down the boulevard yelling "Whoooo!"

When her parents are killed in a car accident, Ruby and her 11-year-old brother move in with anal yuppies Terry and Erin Glass (Stellan Skarsgard and Diane Lane), who used to be their next-door neighbors. The Glasses now live in a fancy Malibu mansion with...lots of big, glass windows. Their name is Glass...get it? Ahem.

Terry owns a car dealership, and is deeply in debt to a couple of loan sharks. Erin is a doctor, addicted to the pain killers she has been swiping from the pain center where she works. Their plan is to kill the kids and take their four-million-dollar trust fund, with the help of their crooked lawyer, Begleiter (Bruce Dern).

Little brother is bought off with computer games, so he spends the movie in a video game-induced trance. Ruby figures out what's going on, though, and spends the next 45 minutes trying to run away -- soaking wet, wearing pajama bottoms, a thin shirt and no bra.

Eventually, Erin the junkie overdoses and dies, so Terry decides to take care of the kids once and for all. He locks the kids in the basement, then tampers with his Jaguar's brakes. That way, when the kids escape in it, their death will look like an accident JUST LIKE WHEN HE MURDERED THEIR PARENTS, BOM-BA-BOMMMM!

What Terry doesn't know, however, is that Ruby had called the loan sharks and told them Terry was going to skip town. The loan sharks show up, tie Terry up and throw him into the Jaguar. On the road, the Jaguar smashes into the loan sharks' Testarossa, which smashes into a semi, killing one loan shark. The Jaguar flies off a cliff, killing the other loan shark. But what's this? Terry survives, gets himself untied, slugs a nearby cop, grabs a nearby gun, and comes after the kids! Look out, kids!

Ruby runs over Terry with a police car. The kids are saved. Likewise, the audience is saved from having to hear Terry try to conceal his thick Swedish accent.

The kids move in with an uncle who had conveniently shown up at the funeral to say, "Hey kids, I'm here so the audience will know you have a place to go after you kill your evil guardians." The end.

Other than the negress friend and the obligatory poor but honest Mestizo maid, minorities are not featured much in The Glass House. There is an Asian teacher at Ruby's new school, Mr. Kim (Michael Paul CHAN, who gets plenty of work when Clyde Kusatsu is not returning calls). Mr. Kim gets Ruby in hot water when her school paper (actually written by Terry) was plagiarized from a book by Hamlet expert Harold BLOOM.

But -- there are no persecuted fags, no muscle-bound negro supercops, no sage and powerful negress role model principals, no fat 'n' greasy Southern sheriffs, no slimy White televangelists, and no Arab terrorists.

Therefore, your reason for not seeing this movie is just because it's a bad movie. Simple, eh?

Join the National Alliance.


Do you have a comment on this review? Your own opinion about this movie? Send it to :

Back to VNN Main Page

Click Here!