What's the Worst that can Happen
by Mark Rivers
I've got bad news, and I've got good news. The bad
news is, a movie called What's the Worst that can
Happen? is allowed to exist. Jew director Sam
WEISMAN, writer Matthew CHAPMAN, and producers Wendy
DYTMAN, David HOBERMAN and Lawrence TURMAN have teamed
up with dot-head producer ASHOK AMRITRAJ and negro
producer Martin Lawrence and Peaches Davis to make
this anti-White film.
In What's the Worst that can Happen?, Martin
Lawrence semi-coherently plays a career burglar named
Kevin (not much of a stretch, I'm sure). He makes his
first appearance at a high society art auction in
Boston. When a snobby White woman dares to presume
that he is looking for the sports memorabilia auction
down the hall, he shows her a thing or two by
explaining to her how he can tell the painting in
front of them is a fake. She is humbled (and perhaps
a bit dampened) by his wit and expertise.
During the auction, Kevin sees a "sexy" mulatto a few
seats over. He scoots past (and makes fun of) an
obese White man to sit next to the mulatto. He turns
on the charm ("Hey baby, you got it goin' on, you know
whum sayin'..."), and she responds in her high-class
English accent (which, I guess, makes her extra
intelligent, huh?).
The mulatto is despondent because one of the paintings
being auctioned has sentimental value to her. Since
she is now inexplicably destitute, she has to sell it.
The obese White man buys the painting, so Kevin steals
it from him. The mulatto is so grateful, she has sex
with Kevin. They fall in love, and she gives him a
special ring to represent their special bond
(apparently, negro relationships are cultivated nearly
as quickly as they are consumated).
Since the mulatto is so classy and refined, Kevin gets
her a job as a waitress in his uncle's diner. His
uncle (the negro Bernie Mac), by the way, taught him
everything he knows about being a crook.
Mestizo John LEGUIZAMO plays Berger (a German name?),
Kevin's partner in crime. They break into the home of
Max Fairbanks (Danny DeVito), a very rich, powerful,
and of course, corrupt, White businessman. He catches
Kevin, turns him over to the police, and, seeing the
ring on Kevin's finger, snatches it, demanding that
it's his.
The dumb White cops believe Fairbanks and haul Kevin
away. They are SO dumb, however, they cuff Kevin's
hands in front of him (if you know anything about law
enforcement, the city of Boston, or negroes, you know
this is a suicidal move that no White cop would EVER
make). Kevin escapes easily from the dumb White cops.
Later that night, Kevin robs Max's house again, this
time taking a few hundred thousand dollars worth of
items. With the help of his dorky wigger computer
friend, Kevin contacts Max and tells him to give the
ring back.
Superstitious Max, who believes that the "lucky ring"
will get him out of his current bankruptcy problems,
refuses. Kevin robs him again, this time taking the
bribe money Max was going to use to pay off some
corrupt White senators.
Max is surrounded by idiots, with one exception; his
Jew lawyer Walter Greenbaum (Jew Richard SCHIFF)
finally gets fed up with Max and his dishonest ways,
so he walks out on Max. Golly, those Jews are such
upright and honorable folks. Max's ditzy, White
spiritual advisor (Glenne Headly) also grows a
conscience and hits the bricks.
Max fares no better in his personal relationships.
His snobby White wife (militant feminist Nora Dunn)
betrays him and helps Kevin get the upper hand. Max's
mistress, a buxom White bimbette, eventually leaves
him because he treats her so shabbily.
The biggest doofus in Max's entourage is his White
security chief, Earl Radburn (Jew Larry MILLER).
Radburn reads gun magazines, stumbles around like a
buffoon, shooting holes in everything, and admits
later to being gay. Also gay is White Lieutenant
Tardio (William Fichtner) of the Boston Police
Department. Tardio, however, makes no secret of it.
He swishes through each of his scenes with such
limp-wristed gusto it makes one's skin crawl. He
suspects Max of faking the robberies for insurance
purposes.
Kevin, criminal genius that he is, devises a plan to
rip off seven million dollars of Max's property. The
plan goes off without a hitch, but Max jumps Kevin as
he is making his escape. They slug it out on a
speedboat, and Lt. Tardio shows up to charge Max with
insurance fraud. Kevin vouches for Max, and they
become great friends. Huh?
What's the Worst that can Happen? ends on a note
just as ridiculous and unlikely as the rest of the
movie. Kevin puts on a giant afro wig, claims to be a
lawyer from "Whiteman, Small, Johnson," and plays the
race card in court to help free Max from his legal
entanglements.
As they stand together before the press, Kevin
re-directs the reporters' attentions to the corrupt
White senator skulking away. The reporters follow the
senator, Kevin steals Max's watch, runs away, clicks
his heels, shrieks "Lawd-a-mercy," and gobbles down
some watermelon. Loud rap "music," which played
incessantly through the movie, now rolls over the
closing credits.
What's the Worst that can Happen is, without a
doubt, the most racist movie of the year. It
glorifies the criminal lifestyle of the negro, it
inaccurately depicts Whites as criminals and/or fools,
and it shows Jews as conscientious humanitarians. It
gets my nod for the 2001 "Jour de la Corde" Award.
What is the "Jour de la Corde" Award?" That's the
good news! It was inspired by this movie! It will be
presented to those responsible for the most anti-White
film of the year. What's the Worst that can Happen?
is, so far, the year's top candidate for best picture.
Send in your votes to VNN, and help us all celebrate
the "Jour de la Corde" Award together. We'll make
sure all of those involved in the production of such
films will have a swingin' good time!
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