What's the Worst that can Happen

by Mark Rivers

I've got bad news, and I've got good news. The bad news is, a movie called What's the Worst that can Happen? is allowed to exist. Jew director Sam WEISMAN, writer Matthew CHAPMAN, and producers Wendy DYTMAN, David HOBERMAN and Lawrence TURMAN have teamed up with dot-head producer ASHOK AMRITRAJ and negro producer Martin Lawrence and Peaches Davis to make this anti-White film.

In What's the Worst that can Happen?, Martin Lawrence semi-coherently plays a career burglar named Kevin (not much of a stretch, I'm sure). He makes his first appearance at a high society art auction in Boston. When a snobby White woman dares to presume that he is looking for the sports memorabilia auction down the hall, he shows her a thing or two by explaining to her how he can tell the painting in front of them is a fake. She is humbled (and perhaps a bit dampened) by his wit and expertise.

During the auction, Kevin sees a "sexy" mulatto a few seats over. He scoots past (and makes fun of) an obese White man to sit next to the mulatto. He turns on the charm ("Hey baby, you got it goin' on, you know whum sayin'..."), and she responds in her high-class English accent (which, I guess, makes her extra intelligent, huh?).

The mulatto is despondent because one of the paintings being auctioned has sentimental value to her. Since she is now inexplicably destitute, she has to sell it.

The obese White man buys the painting, so Kevin steals it from him. The mulatto is so grateful, she has sex with Kevin. They fall in love, and she gives him a special ring to represent their special bond (apparently, negro relationships are cultivated nearly as quickly as they are consumated).

Since the mulatto is so classy and refined, Kevin gets her a job as a waitress in his uncle's diner. His uncle (the negro Bernie Mac), by the way, taught him everything he knows about being a crook. Mestizo John LEGUIZAMO plays Berger (a German name?), Kevin's partner in crime. They break into the home of Max Fairbanks (Danny DeVito), a very rich, powerful, and of course, corrupt, White businessman. He catches Kevin, turns him over to the police, and, seeing the ring on Kevin's finger, snatches it, demanding that it's his.

The dumb White cops believe Fairbanks and haul Kevin away. They are SO dumb, however, they cuff Kevin's hands in front of him (if you know anything about law enforcement, the city of Boston, or negroes, you know this is a suicidal move that no White cop would EVER make). Kevin escapes easily from the dumb White cops.

Later that night, Kevin robs Max's house again, this time taking a few hundred thousand dollars worth of items. With the help of his dorky wigger computer friend, Kevin contacts Max and tells him to give the ring back.

Superstitious Max, who believes that the "lucky ring" will get him out of his current bankruptcy problems, refuses. Kevin robs him again, this time taking the bribe money Max was going to use to pay off some corrupt White senators.

Max is surrounded by idiots, with one exception; his Jew lawyer Walter Greenbaum (Jew Richard SCHIFF) finally gets fed up with Max and his dishonest ways, so he walks out on Max. Golly, those Jews are such upright and honorable folks. Max's ditzy, White spiritual advisor (Glenne Headly) also grows a conscience and hits the bricks.

Max fares no better in his personal relationships. His snobby White wife (militant feminist Nora Dunn) betrays him and helps Kevin get the upper hand. Max's mistress, a buxom White bimbette, eventually leaves him because he treats her so shabbily.

The biggest doofus in Max's entourage is his White security chief, Earl Radburn (Jew Larry MILLER). Radburn reads gun magazines, stumbles around like a buffoon, shooting holes in everything, and admits later to being gay. Also gay is White Lieutenant Tardio (William Fichtner) of the Boston Police Department. Tardio, however, makes no secret of it. He swishes through each of his scenes with such limp-wristed gusto it makes one's skin crawl. He suspects Max of faking the robberies for insurance purposes.

Kevin, criminal genius that he is, devises a plan to rip off seven million dollars of Max's property. The plan goes off without a hitch, but Max jumps Kevin as he is making his escape. They slug it out on a speedboat, and Lt. Tardio shows up to charge Max with insurance fraud. Kevin vouches for Max, and they become great friends. Huh?

What's the Worst that can Happen? ends on a note just as ridiculous and unlikely as the rest of the movie. Kevin puts on a giant afro wig, claims to be a lawyer from "Whiteman, Small, Johnson," and plays the race card in court to help free Max from his legal entanglements.

As they stand together before the press, Kevin re-directs the reporters' attentions to the corrupt White senator skulking away. The reporters follow the senator, Kevin steals Max's watch, runs away, clicks his heels, shrieks "Lawd-a-mercy," and gobbles down some watermelon. Loud rap "music," which played incessantly through the movie, now rolls over the closing credits.

What's the Worst that can Happen is, without a doubt, the most racist movie of the year. It glorifies the criminal lifestyle of the negro, it inaccurately depicts Whites as criminals and/or fools, and it shows Jews as conscientious humanitarians. It gets my nod for the 2001 "Jour de la Corde" Award.

What is the "Jour de la Corde" Award?" That's the good news! It was inspired by this movie! It will be presented to those responsible for the most anti-White film of the year. What's the Worst that can Happen? is, so far, the year's top candidate for best picture.

Send in your votes to VNN, and help us all celebrate the "Jour de la Corde" Award together. We'll make sure all of those involved in the production of such films will have a swingin' good time!

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