Star Wars: Episode Two - Attack of the Clones

by Count Dooku III

I see about 2-3 movies a year, if the Jews are lucky. However, being an avid fan of Star Wars, because it's a futuristic regurgitation of Wagner's Ring (down to the music -- see http://home.no.net/wagner/starwars.html), and it rehashes much of the philosophy of Plato, Hitler, Darwin, and a whole lot more into two hours of movie magic, I can normally convince myself to go. So I did.

"Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones" will no doubt go down into history as one of the greatest special-effects films of all time. It's simply amazing. However, when it comes to fluidity of storyline and dialogue, this film has a lot to learn and doesn't even come close to touching the original three, except for isolated scenes where Lucas' knowledge of Plato shines through.

It's no wonder why many of the Jewish movie reviewers knocked this movie. However, some of their criticism is warranted. The dialogue, again, most of the time is on par with one-liners from "Naked Gun." Ewan McGregor (as Obi-Wan Kenobi) says "my young Padawan learner" about 500 hundred times during the film which gets annoying fast. Natalie Portman (as Senator Amidala) is simply irritating. Not because she's a fanatical supporter of Israel and a Yid, but because her performance sounds like a '70s porn star, leaving you expecting that funky '70s music to click on after she finishes her lines, and her clothes to start coming off! I guess this isn't entirely her fault, because she didn't write the lines, but what she does say sounds like some whiny Wiesenthal spiel. Maybe it was just the black beady eyes.

The big surprise was Hayden Christensen (as Anakin Skywalker). Despite his lines being on par with Portman's much of the time, the boy has style and flair and a knack for acting. When he puts Plato's notion forward that a "dictatorship" (Plato said "Philosopher King") should rule -- "someone wise" as he put it -- over corrupt Democratic whores, my hair stood up. My hair even stood up further when he went into an emotional schism about having reaped revenge on the sand people for killing his mother, not only killing all of the men, "but all of the women and children, too!" I almost wanted to stand up and shout, "Dats ma niggah!"

Christopher Lee (as Count Dooku) is always amazing, as he's one of the finest actors the UK has ever given birth to. However, he only appears near the end of the film, and during the final battle scene between himself, and Jedis Obi-Wan and Anakin, Dooku, after taunting his opponents for being inadequate performers, retorts, "Simply, you can do better than that." Here is one of the finest English language actors of all time, and he has been given sub-par lines. Sad. I much prefer Lee's performance in "The Wickerman" as Lord Summerisle, which is still my favorite Lee movie and highly recommended.

Anyhow, I will "clone" the other reviewers and third the motion -- Go see this movie. Then afterwards, listen to Rivers' advice and join the National Alliance.

COUNT DOOKU III

alinder@kvmo.net

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