Spider-Man

by Mark Rivers

Some time ago, when it was first announced that a live action Spider-Man movie was in the works, Comedy Central had a segment on the "Daily Show" featuring Jew host Jon Stewart giving advice to an animation frame of that Superhero. The advice was that since "Hollywood is controlled by Jews," the Webbed Wonder should introduce himself around town as "Irving Spiderman" (pronounced 'speederman').

That loses something in the translation to print, but the Jews' intention in that segment was clear; to once again take a jab at themselves, while simultaneously moaning to the rest of the world that the stereotype of Jews controlling Hollywood is a lie.

That's why I write these reviews. In nearly every movie I've reviewed, Jews hold prominent positions of control over the entire production. "Spider-Man" is a classic example of this. Set in pre-911 New York (although at least one shot of the WTC towers was deleted), "Spider-Man" features a host of Goyische actors taking their marching orders from Jews, namely:

  1. Director Sam Raimi

  2. Writer, executive producer and Spider-Man creator Stan Lee

  3. Executive producer Avi Arad

PJs adorn the rest of the producing/writing credits. Jew Danny Elfman wrote the soundtrack, which sounds like he meshed together his themes for "Batman" and "Tales from the Crypt." Half-Jew Sam Franco plays the pampered son of Spidey's nemesis, who was thoroughly groomed to become the villain in the sequel. Ted Raimi, brother of the director, puts in an appearance as J.J. Jameson's bespectacled whipping boy. Speaking of Jameson, he is played by J.K. Simmons, who has been spending the last few years playing a cartoonish Nazi on "Oz" for the Jews at HBO. He plays the gruff, cigar-chomping newspaper editor in "Spider-Man" very Capra-like, which is all right, considering that the movie is based on a comic book. He's fun to watch, although I might like to have seen Lee Ermey in the role.

So, do I have any racial complaints about "Spider-Man"? Do I ever! As with any film set in New York, the negro/spic element is played down, and the few who are shown are never shown negatively. I saw negro teachers, negro cops and firefighters, a fat negress at a sign-up table for an amateur wrestling event and a token negro at the newspaper (who, apparently, is based upon a character from the comic). Also, negress "singer" Macy Gray is shown performing at a "World Unity Festival," at which the Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe) makes his first appearance. Asians are virtually non-existent in the film, except for a Chinkette in the spider-testing lab, and a pair of Korean shopkeepers (what was that about avoiding stereotypes) who are robbed by a couple of White guys (before Spider-Man catches them and returns the money).

Not a single criminal in the movie was a negro. No rapists, no muggers, no carjackers, no murderers. The scene with the bank robbers in the helicopter was deleted, but I seem to remember a lack of negroes there as well. A couple of the bad guys might have been Hispanic, but it was in a dark alley during a rainstorm. Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) works for a fat, greasy Hispanic named Enrique', but he is shown for less than 30 seconds, whereas the White villains are scattered liberally throughout the film.

"Spider-Man" was hailed by the tribe in last month's online Jewish Journal, both for having so many Jews at the helm, and for Tobey Maguire's way of portraying Spidey as a meek and apologetic superhero. The White American Rabble should get a kick out of the special effects, the occasional puns, the action, and Kirsten Dunst in a soaked-through blouse (which, I'm sure, helped the film earn its PG-13 rating). The Jews through complication here and there, to try (unsuccessfully) to keep the plot from suffering "superhero film syndrome:"

HERO: Hey, I've just discovered my super powers. I'm going to spend the first half of the movie showing them off.

VILLAIN: Har har. I am almost going to defeat you by putting you in a Seemingly Unwinnable Situation.

HERO: Aha! I shall win in the end by simply ducking at the right moment, or by having some Incredible Coincidence save me.

Anyone who has been to as many movies as I have knows that the Seemingly Unwinnable Situation (or SUS) never is. The Green Goblin dangles Spidey's love interest AND a sky trolley full of schoolchildren (and their negro teacher) from a bridge. Gasp! Spider-Man must choose, just like Superman had to in "Superman" and "Superman II."

The Incredible Coincidence that saves Spider-Man at the climactic battle was that a bunch of disgruntled New Yorkers, sick of the Green Goblin's antics, pelt him with debris JUST when he is about to deliver a fatal blow to our hero. A negro informs the Green Goblin that when he messes with Spider-Man, he is "messing with New York." To top off the too-little too-late "our people are pulling together like never before" sentiment, an unshaven goombah adds, "You mess with one of us, you mess with AWWWL of us!"

I guess the crowd was supposed to stand up and cheer at that point. Then they were supposed to settle their size 52 rumps back into their upholstered stadium seats, take another sip of their seven-dollar sodas, and sigh contentedly, knowing that our government is taking every measure to ensure that whatever is going on in the Middle East right now (and they really couldn't care less, so long as it doesn't interrupt their moviegoing and karaoke-bar-hopping) is simply to ensure that mean ol' Osama guy will be "brought to justice."

This movie is making millions upon millions of dollars for the Jews, and at least some of those shekels will be funnelled to sponsor Jewish interests here and abroad. And, in case you haven't figured it out yet, Jewish interests are deadly to us. If you must watch "Spider-Man," see a matinee, or better still, save it for a rental or cable.

Join the National Alliance.

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MARK RIVERS

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