Van Wilder

by Mark Rivers

In an attempt to cash in on their own previous successes (while silently sweeping their megabombs under the rug), National Lampoon has released another fecally-charged film, which is to be filed under "embarassments" as soon as the DVD receipts start to taper off. "Van Wilder" is grotesque on every level. Co-written by Jew Brent Goldberg and co-produced by Jews Robert L. Levy and Ari Newman, this movie stumbles through the story of a seven-year college student named Van Wilder. He is a sort of Ferris Bueller of the campus, and an enigma to the smart 'n' sensible hottie journalist (Tara Reid), who just happens to be the girlfriend of the stereotypical snooty-frat-boy-moneybags-closet-homo-jerkwad so common to this type of movie.

Van Wilder's best friends are a dope-smoking negro and a dot-head named "Taj Mahal." The dot-head, an up-and-coming "funny foreign type" now being pushed heavily in the genre, seems to be the last brand of non-White the Jews are allowing as an object of ridicule. The Taj Mahal character is shown as a sheepish, stuttering bookworm at first, but then he develops courage, character, conviction, AND finds the woman of his dreams (who, surprisingly, is also a dot-head).

There are non-Whites are a-plenty in this picture. The student body seems to be at least 75% non-White, and the few Whites shown are A) sadistic, clownish frat-boys, B) hot White women who dance and grind with the negro basketball team, C) Curtis "Booger" Armstrong in a throwaway role as a goofball security guard and D) stuffy old society types who, after five minutes with party-boy Van Wilder, are doing shots of Tequila and dropping their inhibitions like a bunch of horny teenagers. The faculty and administration are largely White, but they are also largely the enemy, standing for every concept Van Wilder shuns (you know, being responsible, taking your education seriously, etc).

The inclusion of sex and scatology is just where it should be for the Jews' liking. In one scene, Van Wilder and his pals manually masturbate their dog, and use its semen to fill pastries, which are then delivered to the evil White frat-boys. The frat-boys gobble them down, then see some Polaroids of the dog ejaculating into the pastries, whereupon they throw up all over each other. Jews are sickos.

Later, the head frat-boy gets his just deserts when his (ex-)girlfriend, having fallen for Van Wilder, serves him a laxative-filled drink. He then fails his exam and interview for med school, due to his incessant flatulence and having diarrhea into a trash can in front of the interview board.

"Van Wilder" is one of the worst movies of the year. Skip it.

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