Hello Elizabeth!

I am 27, unmarried Miss, and live in Hamburg, Germany. My name is Claudia.

All you American girls care about is to get married! There are other things in life besides having a man -- everything fun to do you can do with the girls -- Sport, shopping, get together for dinner party and talking or movie, swimming, hiking in nature. Why concentrate so hard on a man? Who needs a boyfriend?

I've been disappointed many times. Now it's best if I find a man, fine; if not, fine. I'm independent, not dependent.

Enclosed is a picture, that's me!

Write back,

Claudia

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Dear Claudia,

"Them sour grapes, I didn't want 'em anyway-" (Remember the starving fox of Aesop's fables drooling for the grapes, then pretending he didn't want them when the branch was too high for him to jump up to and snap?) That's you: frustrated, and rationalizing failure. Admit it -- you need/want a man almost as bad as water, food, air, clothes -- and a waterproof roof over your head in rainy Hamburg.

Now that you've admitted you like men a lot, and you want a good one for yourself, let's talk about how to get one. Let's start with your picture. You're the typical German "sports geek" girl: tennis shoes, a huge baggy T-shirt that hides your shape, a sagging sports bra, baggy shorts, no makeup, and blond hair pulled shapelessly back in a ponytail. I'll bet you have the typical "horsey" German-tomboy body language too -- a mannish walk, crossing your legs with your ankle over the opposite knee like a man, and sauntering around town mit dem Rücksack (backpack).

You need feminine dress, makeup, and body language -- then the grapes will fall into your mouth, Vixen! There's an excellent video on feminine body language: walking, sitting, turning, what to do with your hands while talking-- basically, how to look like you have some class and seduce guys. It's called Becoming Beautiful: Visual Poise. It's available from Half.com and sometimes from eBay.com. It's in English, but that doesn't matter, since it's all visuals. There are other videos like it; all of them are a good substitute for finishing school or modeling classes. As far as makeup, there are many videos and books; you can't go wrong with a 1970's minimalist classic called Color Me Beautiful, which tells you which colors flatter your skin tone, eyes, and hair. People don't wear as much makeup in Germany as they do in the U.S. -- but it's crucial to wear SOME -- even minimalist mascara or lip pencil signals availability. Wear your hair long to be sexy -- at least shoulder-length -- and style it every time you wash it. This is time-consuming, but a must. Ask guys what looks best -- don't follow the advice of girlfriends or Heroin-Chic Starved-Ugly Jewish Fashion Magazines. Don't walk around with bed-hair or a doggy ponytail. Don't wear glasses; they hide your eyes. Wear contacts when you go out where the good men are.

Lose the giant T-shirt and wear form-fitting clothes (not TIGHT, but FITTED), in other words, clothes that go in at the waist. Always wear a belt unless the top or dress is very fitted. If you don't show your hourglass shape, men won't look at you and approach you. I can tell you're in shape and have a really good body, but all men see is a big white square. Show your arms, and either legs, cleavage, or both. Don't buy straight-down tube clothes or Empire-waistline dresses. It has to have an hourglass silhouette, the more exaggerated, the better.

After you get dressed up, look at men and smile at them, showing your teeth. Make eye-contact. When he looks back at you, don't laugh. He'll think you're laughing at him. Smile more restrained or look serious at him. He's interested! He's noticed you!

Don't let him kiss you until he's in love with you. Don't sleep with him until you're sure he's willing to marry you. That way, you won't be disappointed and hurt any more times.

I hope you take my advice. Good luck to you. Take care. Yours,

Elizabeth Bennett

[If YOU are vexed by a nettlesome pregunta, forward it to: arlmr@cableone.net, and perchance E. Bennett will essay an answer in an upcoming column.]