Iran is Mideast's Primary Menace
Barry R. Schneider/
from the Oakland Tribune, Sunday, 22 July 2001
The Arab-Israeli conflict is not the only Mideast threat to U.S. interests
and regional stability. Perhaps the most dangerous threat emanates from
Iran. Okay, we've bombed the Iraqis back to the Stone Age, reduced
Lebanon to the status of a collection of warring baronial fiefdoms, stonewalled
Syria, and bought off Egypt and Jordan. Who else is left for us Jews to fear
but the Iranians? So let's get the United States do our dirty work for us.
It hasn't failed yet.
The Islamic theocracy I would prefer to call them ragheads or
sand niggers or even worse, but I'm trying to convince White liberals to do my bidding.
So I'll lump the Iranians collectively into the Jerry Falwell camp. has
been spreading hate Heads up! I just revealed my Jewish
agenda! against the United States Hey, all you soccer moms of
both sexes! The ragheads, er, I mean "theologians," want to rain on our diversity
parade. ever since the ayatollahs and their followers deposed the shah in 1979.
Do you realize how much money we invested in bribing the Shah to do
our bidding? And those ragheads had the temerity to overthrow our puppet! They'll pay yet,
because we Jews never forgive or forget. The gang from Tehran
So much for a semblance of decorum. Oh well, the soccer moms of both sexes are already
hooked, anyway. has the dubious distinction of being the world's leading
sponsors of international terrorism. Isn't it funny how the
Iranian-sponsored "terrorism" always affects only two nations: Israel and the United
States? But those soccer moms of both sexes don't know that. Even more ominous, Iran
appears to be progressing in its drive to acquire nuclear, and missile, chemical and
biological weapons and may soon threaten its neighbors with a mix of such weapons of mass
destruction. Oy vey! If we don't do something NOW to stop
these fanatical ragheads, Israel will cease to have a monopoly on weapons of mass
destruction in the Middle East! Our threat to push Arafat into the Sea of Galilee will be
but a bluff! The United States needs to bomb Iran into submission.
Right now, there is a political war going on for Iran's soul and its future.
Our beloved Mossad is doing everything within its power to
destabilize the Iranian economy and government. A recent election gave another
landslide victory to President Mohammad Khatami and his more liberal view of how Iran should
develop and be governed. However, real foreign and defense policy power in Iran is still
held by the authoritarian zealots headed by Ayatollah Ali Hoseini-Khamenei.
We are outraged that the man we intend to be our new dupe in Tehran
has not been given unlimited power to do everything we want him to do. How dare these
authoritarian fanatics stand in our way! What is a Jew to do in the face of such
This more conservative gang of Iranian clerics In case you haven't
noticed, I'm leading up to something with this gang analogy. still consider the
United States to be "the Great Satan" Our television propaganda
hasn't succeeded in brainwashing them into thinking that the Land Of Multicultural
Diversity is the happy future for all of humanity. and would keep Iran on a
collision course with the West and its more moderate Mideast allies.
Never mind that we Jews steer the West and our Mideast dupes onto a collision course with
those we consider to be our enemies. Should we fear them? Unfortunately, the answer
is yes. Okay, enough of the soft touch, let's kill ragheads!
There are several compelling reasons.
First, there are the ayatollahs' nuclear programs to contend with. Although Iran has signed
the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty and Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty,
We'll hold them to the agreements our paid dupe, the Shah, signed off on. But no one holds
us Jews responsible for anything we say or sign! it is clear that the regime still
is looking to acquire fissile material and nuclear technology, especially in Russia.
How dare they BUY uranium and plutonium from the Russians! We didn't
STEAL our fissile material from the United States and France and develop it into our
"Samson option," only to have uppity ragheads counter our weapons of mass destruction!
Would somebody please bomb these fanatics before it's too late?
Also, Russia continues to help Iran with the reconstruction of a large atomic reactor at
Bushehr and has agreed to provide other nuclear assistance. Iran is paying about $1 billion
for such Russian aid, business that the Russians, with their weak economy, find almost
impossible to turn down. Can you believe the chutzpah of these
ragheads? They go off and make their foreign policy and international trade agreements
without even consulting us! Well, believe you me, they'll pay for this impudence faster
than you can say, "Osirak!"
As for missiles, in July 1998, Iran tested the Shahab-3 and repeated such flight tests in
July and September 2000. Once perfected and deployed, this new ballistic missile with its
800-mile range can reach from Tehran to Tel Aviv. My agenda is now
officially announced. The soccer moms of both sexes, of course, will breeze right past this
statement without an inkling of what I really said.] Iran, in a crisis, may already
be able to hit targets at full range.
Worse news is on the way. When it comes to frightening the
goyim, we Jews always have more bad news. Iran, with the assistance of North
Korea, is developing its own versions of the Taepo Pong-1 and Taepo Pong-2 missiles,
which would bring half or all of Europe, respectively, within range of the zealots in
Tehran. We can really get the addicts of the Sunday morning
talking head shows going with this assertion! Never mind that the Europeans generally stay
out of Iran's affairs. Also note how I use a term of Jewish origin, zealots, to describe my
enemies. But, of course, the soccer moms of both sexes can't remember who was President of
the United States in 1925, so they won't remember anything about Jewish fanatics in
The rapid pace of Iran's missile development, given the very high costs of such programs to
a country with very modest resources, makes one wonder. I won't bore
you with the analogy of the absurdity of Israel, a nation with a population less than that
of any of the top five U.S. metropolitan areas and disposing of far fewer of its own
resources than even Iran, possessing its own stockpile of roughly 200 nuclear weapons and
an undetermined number of chemical and biological weapons. Why the rush? Could it be
that Iran's missile program is running full speed ahead to mate with the only warhead
that such expense would justify -- a nuclear-tipped or plague-filled arrow aimed at the
population centers, ports and air bases of its enemies? Of course, we
Jews have been aiming our weapons of mass destruction at our enemies' population centers,
ports and air bases for decades.
The Mideast is one of the world's toughest neighborhoods. Possessing
a tribal and ghetto mentality, I am comfortable in intellectualizing foreign policy
concepts into gang terms. Therefore, we Jews are holding our own in the Mideast just like
we did in the Warsaw Ghetto uprising. Oops, I guess we lost the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, but
you get my drift. I told you I was going somewhere with the gang analogies! One
could almost excuse any state in the region for trying to develop weapons of mass destruction,
because many of its neighbors are trying to acquire such weapons already.
This is my back-asswards justification for Israel not only having the
only arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in the region, but also being the power which
started the nuclear-chemical-biological game of brinkmanship in the Middle East in the
Take the case of Iraq in 1980. I will steadfastly keep my
silence regarding the role of the Mossad and the United States in egging Iraq on due to the
hostage crisis in Tehran. When Saddam Hussein's legions
The Iraqis really aren't Romans, but the terminology gives the right tone to hoodwinked
Bible-thumpers. Iraq is still our enemy as well. failed to win a quick victory after
attacking Iran, he ordered them to fire chemical barrages to slow the Iranian human wave
counter-attacks that were pushing the Iraqi forces backward at an alarming pace.
Faced with Iraqi chemical-weapon attacks, Iran responded by developing and using blood,
blister and nerve agents, and the worst chemical warfare exchanges since World War I
ensued. At the end of the 1980-88 Iran-Iraq war there were an estimated 1 million casualties
in all, counting both sides. I really don't know why I have brought
up such a ridiculous historical example, considering that ragheads killing each other is no
sweat off my brow. But the thought of chemical warfare will probably cause the American
soccer moms of both sexes to fret and consider making large donations to Princess Diana's
perpetual campaign against land mines and other pacifist causes, conveniently forgetting
Israel's regional supremacy in weapons of mass destruction.
In the years since the Iran-Iraq war, despite signing the Chemical Weapons Convention, the
Islamic theocracy has continued to develop its chemical warfare capabilities. With Russian
and Chinese assistance, Iran has improved its chemical precursor production capability.
What this nonsensical term really means is that the Iranians are
industrializing. Any industrial power can produce chemical weapons as easily as any other
weapon. That's why gas warfare was so easy to carry on in World War I. Also, its
Revolutionary Guards train to operate in a contaminated chemical environment.
Of course, the United States military trains to operate in a
chemically contaminated environment, so, following my infallible logic, that MUST mean that
George W. Bush is planning to attack Beijing with nerve agents. Despite all these
activities, the Iranian government has officially stated that it has "terminated" its
chemical weapons program. As always, I have no proof to the contrary,
so I will appeal to the gullibility of the soccer moms of both sexes, who couldn't tell a
howitzer from a mortar, by preaching the "horrors" of training to operate in a chemical
environment, as if no one else does that.
At the inception of the Iran-Iraq war, the revolutionary government under Ayatollah Khomenei
rejected the use of biological and chemical weapons as immoral. However, Iraqi chemical
attacks Remember who egged on Saddam Hussein to attack Iran in the
first place? Those warmongers also facilitated the Iraqi use of chemical weapons.
changed the minds of Iran's leaders. We Jews expect everyone else to
turn the other cheek. But if anyone shoots a Jew, we'll shell, bomb, and bulldoze the
village the "terrorist" lives in. Only Jews can retaliate. The Iranian parliament's
Speaker Ali Akbar Rafsanjani stated the following in 1988:
"Chemical and biological weapons are the poor man's atomic bombs and can be easily produced.
We should at least consider them for our defense. Although the use of such weapons is
inhuman, the war taught us that international laws are only scraps of paper."
You're supposed to believe that the Iranians are defying international
law, but Rafsanjani was only drawing logical conclusions from his country's experiences. An
astute reader might even have noticed that Rasfanjani was discussing defensive uses for
chemical and biological weapons, but my clever hype preceding this quote neatly obfuscates
his meaning. In this regard, I even considered comparing him to Hitler, but that would have
been trite, even for a Jewish hack like myself. For the moment, Saddam Hussein remains our
only regional Hitler.
It is the belief of U.S. intelligence that Iran is developing its biological warfare
potential. First they learn how to poison wells, then they learn
how to construct gas ovens. And the world just watches, doing nothing. You're all guilty.
It's that simple. From the moment Ayatollah Khomenei's zealots toppled the shah from
power in 1979, they have attempted to export their revolution abroad.
As a Jew, I can take the theories of my Bolshevik cousins, now that they are discredited,
and apply them without any logical inconsistency to anyone I oppose. And if you notice any
inconsistency in what I saying, you're just a hater and an anti-semite! It has aided
and encouraged radical Islamic revolutionary movements in the Persian Gulf and the Mideast,
as well as across North Africa [Oy vey! We spent billions of
your tax money pacifying those Egyptians!] and among the Muslim republics of
the former Soviet Union. I won't mention the role of my
Jewish Bolshevik cousins in radicalizing these Muslims during the 1920s, 1930s and
1940s. It has used terror to quell domestic dissent This has
nothing to do with foreign policy, but I sounds just terrible to the soccer moms of both
sexes. In any case, we Jews are blameless in our handling of dissent, especially that of
the Palestinians. Thus we judge the rest of humanity. and to silence external
opponents and dissidents. The only dissident I can really
think of is Salman Rushdie, but one is enough for our statistical purposes. Iran
also is the leader of the rejectionist front of Islamic states opposed to any negotiated
peace settlement between Israel and the Palestinians. Naturally, you
would have to be a fool to negotiate with a man who gets himself elected prime minister by
deliberately provoking an uprising and who is also an indicted war criminal.
All these reasons -- hostile foreign policy, its record of regional aggressions,
Is it only me, or will anyone else notice that the only aggression I
documented in this article was sponsored by the United States and Israel? I certainly hope
not, because then the game will be over. its sponsorship of international terrorists
I love using meaningless slogans to demonize my enemies! and
its growing nuclear, missile, chemical and biological warfare capabilities -- make Iran the
No. 1 Mideast menace to watch most carefully if the hard-liners under Ayatollah Khamenei
continue to monopolize the levers of power in Tehran. How dare those
fanatics continue to be in power after we Jews have officially declared them to be
international outlaws. In case you haven't noticed by now, we are screwing ourselves up to
Clearly, the United States must continue to try to isolate and limit Iran until the gang in
Tehran pursues a different foreign policy path and do its best to prevent sensitive
technologies from being transferred to it that would aid in the development of weapons of
mass destruction programs. This gives us time to invent a suitable
pretext for attacking the Iranians the way we did the Serbs. Until a different type
of Iran emerges, To accomplish this, we must demand that the Iranians
permit the wholesale indoctrination of their young people with MTV. Only when the Iranians
are reduced to an appropriate level of multicultural idiocy will they be acceptable serfs
on the Jewish global plantation. we must also build our own abilities to defend
against such Iranian weapons if they were ever to be introduced on future battlefields.
What I am really saying is that we must continue to set the Iranians
up as a bogeymen, provoking them if necessary, to keep funding for Star Wars rolling. Once
Star Wars is perfected, we will give it to Israel free of charge.