Where's the Gas?
by Shlomo Rotshield
7 September 2005
As gas prices rise at an alarming rate, many people are beginning to wonder exactly where all the gas is going. Economic pundits are claiming increased demands from emerging third world countries like China might account for the rise, but the fact is there is a much more sinister reason for the increased demand on oil supplies. The truth is the neo-Nazi American government is actually using much of the gas to burn the bodies of Jews! It's true, I swear it, I have seen this with my own eyes! Although many readers will find the idea incredible; a new genocidal program, perhaps a better word might be pogrom, against the Jew has in fact been mounted by the evil, white, neo-Nazi-American government.
Over the last few years, many people have become aware of operation "Paperclip," a covert, post-war operation that brought millions of Nazis into America after the last good war. But few realize to what extent those Nazis have now taken over the American government. Now that these Nazis have consolidated their power, they have begun covertly forcing Jews into ghettos. After consolidation in the ghettos, these Jews will later be moved by train to concentration camps located throughout the U.S. Most notable among these Jewish ghettoes is Manhattan island where Jews are forced to endure some of the most humane conditions ever witnessed by western civilization. Manhattan Jews are often forced to live in the most expensive homes, dine in the finest restaurants and employ only white Shabbat goys to perform menial tasks, but behind this seemingly innocuous facade of luxurious lifestyle, a horrible fate awaits these unsuspecting Jews. To be sure, among the four million survivors of the original Holocaust are some of the more aware Jews who understand what such luxury actually means to their future. Many of these Jews have been clever enough to buy condoms that they will stuff with diamonds, jewelry and other small valuable objects for secreting in various bodily orifices. Tragically many old masters are simply too large for these ghetto Jews to take with them, not that more than a few haven't actually tried. Other Jews throughout the country in places like Miami and West Palm Beach are suffering similar fate, but the world takes no notice as the news blackout has been complete on the plight of these Jews.
For the Jews their tragedy begins in the pitch black of night with a knock at the door. It is the knock that first alerts the Jews that the neo-Nazis have finally come for them. In a frantic effort to avoid detection many Jews hide in the back rooms of sympathetic neighbors' homes and refuse to vacuum their floors during the day, but there is no use in running or trying to hide because the neo-Nazis are far too efficient to allow escape, they will find the Jew wherever he might try to hide. In the dead of night unfortunate Jews are rounded up and taken by limousine to unspecified train sidings around the country where they are loaded into waiting Amtrak trains which speed them to their demise. It is aboard these death trains Jews experience the first of many horrors to come. Sarah Lebowitz explains, "After boarding the train, we made our usual demands for bagels and lox, imagine our horror when the steward informed us that no Kosher food would be available during the trip! In fact my best friend Natalie Nussbaum was forced to eat the kosher upholstery from the seats just to survive, I saw this with my own eyes!" Upon arrival at one of the many camps located throughout the vast unpopulated regions of the U.S., Jews disembark to the harsh voices of jack-booted Social Security guards screaming, JEWS OUT! At the camp I am visiting, as Jews shuffle out of the trains they are greeted on the platform by a thin, ramrod-erect officer whose military bearing echoes the old Prussian arrogance. Colonel Kempler is an evil and vicious ex-janitor who once cleaned basements in the trade towers before 9/11. This onetime janitor, now elevated to the position of camp commandant, is but a reflection of the super-efficient administrative ability of the neo-Nazis.
Adjusting his monocle and cracking his riding crop against his thigh, ex-janitor Kempler takes great delight in telling the new arrivals, "As far as I am concerned, this as just another form of housecleaning!" Holding up the face of a Jewess with his riding crop Colonel Kempler snaps, "This one to the barbershop" then whipping another Jew on the buttocks he sneers, "and this one to the showers" while purposely ignoring the moans of pleasure emanating from the Jews he whips. Again and again the leering commandant screams orders as he personally sorts each Jew for "special treatment." "You know sorting over two million Jews a day is a very tiring business," says Kempler. "I'll be glad when this is over" the commandant confides. And when will it be over? "Not until all 600,000,000 Jews have been cleansed from the face of this earth" says the ex-janitor cum commandant.
Jews selected for the barbershop find a cruel fate awaits, as once strapped into the luxuriously leather upholstered chair, the camp barbers shear off all their hair! This head shaving is a purposeful attempt at denigrating and debasing Jews as people. One of the barbers, Newt Himmelfarb, found his calling at the camp's barbershop. Himmelfarb had previously been disciplined and finally fired from several different barbershops for purposefully shaving the heads of recalcitrant youths who spoke out of turn. "Gross Gott! Sure I did it to debase and humiliate these kids, but they were getting out of line; am I supposed to stand by and do nothing while these children ruin our country? The authorities simply didn't like my methods," said Himmlefarb. Ironically many of Himmelfarb's earlier patrons, like singer Sinead O'Connor, took Himmelfarb's concentration camp style of discipline to heart and adopted it as a their new hair style. Today Himmelfarb has found fulfillment debasing and humiliating poor oppressed Jews arriving off the trains from Jewish ghettos all over America.
The true terror however awaits those Jews selected for the showers. What awaits these Jews who shuffle off to the dilapidated wood buildings will be a final and horrible cleansing experience. As the vicious Social Security guards poke and prod the Jew into the showers with their bayonets, men and children cry and sob while the women spit nasty Yiddish epithets at the guards. "What a bitch," says one of the guards "and all because we want them cleaned up for execution!" Once two or three thousand Jews are packed into the 8x10 room, shower nozzles are turned on. As water pours forth over their filthy bodies Jews scream, cry out in anguish and writhe in agony from the pain and torture of being made to bath. "It was the worst experience I have ever endured," said a dripping wet Jew emerging from the showers. After their shower, it's off to the blow dryers where the dripping wet Jews will be ostensibly be blow dried in preparation for their new camp clothing, but these Jews do not understand the real fate that awaits them at the hands of the clever and evil neo-Nazis.
Again, black uniformed Social Security Guards must prod and beat the Jews to take their place in line on a huge conveyor belt that will move them through the blow drying process. However, as the Jews move into the blow dryer something more evil and sinister takes place, yes they are in fact blow dried, but mixed in with the warm, soothing, air is the Monsanto herbicide Roundup; in seconds the Jews fall over dead. "Why Roundup?" I asked one administrator, "After all isn't Roundup an herbicide meant to kill plants? Sure it might cause some form of devastating cancer after twenty years or so, but isn't that more time than you want to spend on executions; wouldn't that simply be too inefficient to qualify as a super efficient, neo-Nazi killing process?" "Yes, that's true," chuckles the administrator, "but we got the Roundup at fire sale prices when Monsanto declared bankruptcy last month from the latest lawsuit. In fact what we have discovered is that it really doesn't take much to kill a Jew, a quick whiff of herbicide and poof - it's all over! If you don't believe it go see for yourself with your own eyes!" "But what about all those Jews who survived the multiple gassing of the first Nazi Genocide?" I query; "Didn't the original Nazis actually use an insecticide that was a rather deadly toxin and didn't millions of Jews survive those attempted gassings?" "Maybe, but we don't know that for sure do we?" countered the administrator.
Horrified, I watch as the conveyor belt brings the oddly smiling corpses out the other side where black-booted Social Security guards efficiently pull the teeth and eyeglasses from the corpses while shaving the heads. Could it be that these corpses smile in the knowledge that, like so many from the German camps, they too will survive this new Holocaust? "Why the hair?" I ask a camp administrator. "We sell it to the South Koreans for the interior upholstery of new their luxury KIA," replies the administrator. One guard comments that he doesn't understand why they don't just run them all through Himmelfarb's shop of bad-hair horrors first, but once again this is one of the many mysteries behind typically efficient neo-Nazi administration. One of the more grisly aspects of the guards' duties is to collect various body parts to be shipped to a Chinese factory where these body parts will be made into iPods for sale to an unsuspecting public. The guards then take what remains of the corpses and sort them out for final disposition; fat corpses are wrapped in a stylish torah scroll and then baked in an oven at 4 billion degrees for up to sixteen hours until done, this process assures that there will be no trace of any bodies.
While fat Jews are cremated, skinny corpses are converted into a product called "Oxyjuden," a soap that, again, will be sold to an unsuspecting public. One administrator mused "we thought about an advertising campaign that emphasized the cleansing power of Jews, but the idea was dropped for some unspecified reason." A camp guard tasked at wrapping fat corpses in Torah scrolls complained, "Why don't they use the fat Jews to make soap? Doesn't it make sense to use fat to make soap?" Once again the mystery of Nazi administrative efficiency has come into question. Still, nothing is wasted as the ashes form the burned corpses are sold to unsuspecting farmers for use as fertilizer. One farmer commented that until the new fertilizer came on the market he used regular horse manure for his crops, but he said the new fertilizer was vastly superior to the old manure. "It's like some sort of super shit!" said the farmer. One curious development is that some farmers are reporting the ground in their fields will shake and rumble and geysers of blood will suddenly begin spurting up from the crops. "We have seen this with our own eyes" said one Jewish farmer who asked not to be named because, as he explained, "Jews don't farm." A camp administrator commenting on these events said, "We cannot explain this phenomena, but we have assured the farmers it is only their imagination so there is really nothing to worry about". And so it goes, day after day, the carnage continues as Jews are systematically exterminated from the planet.
The trouble is that it takes several billion gallons of gasoline per hour to burn the bodies of the vast numbers of Jews processed through the camps, so tremendous pressure has been put on the oil industry to deliver more and more fuel to burn the bodies at the exact temperature for the specified time. The Arab members of OPEC have promised to deliver the necessary fuel to accomplish the task, but there is growing doubt whether or not they will actually be able to do so. In any event the fuel crises will continue to grow until all 600,000,000 Jews are ethnically cleansed form the planet. I asked the commandant about the 600,000,000 figure considering their are only 16,000,000 Jews recorded as actually inhabiting the planet, but the commandant snapped back, "Don't confuse this matter with any of your so-called facts, or you might find yourself taking trip to the blow dryers! Don't you think we neo-Nazis know how many Jews need cleansing; do you think we are fools? Do you not know that neo-Nazis are masters of efficiency?" As Jews are burned in the ovens around the clock, black plumes of smoke reach high into the skies around the country. In an effort to disguise the plumes of smoke now billowing around the country, the government has begun a massive, high altitude, aerial spraying campaign to obscure the sky, making the billowing plumes of smoke all but invisible to the naked eye. Although the public might not be aware of the billowing smoke plumes from the carnage taking place in the ovens, as long as a Jew owns the neighborhood bank, we can rest assured none of us will be able to expect much relief from the high gas prices.