Movie Review: 'Trader Horn' (1931)
Reviewed by N.B. Forrest
23 July 2005
This vintage gem was the first movie filmed on location in Affika. Harry Carey, Sr. stars as Aloysius "Trader" Horn, an old hand in the beads & blankets racket. Accompanying him on one of his sales trips up river is Peru, the adventure-seeking son of an old friend (Duncan Renaldo). As they move deeper into the interior, they encounter a White woman and her small pack of bearer-bunnies: she's searching for her daughter who was nignapped as a baby years before. Horn gently tries to get her to give up the dangerous quest, but she refuses. In parting, she begs Horn to continue the search in the event of her death, and he agrees to. Sure enough, they find her murdered at a falls a few miles up river.
Horn dutifully drops his trading plans and takes up the hunt. Soon, a mob of paint-'n'-feather ooga-boogas hops out of the foliage and surrounds the party. They spear-prod 'em to their cowshit capitol, wasting no time in kicking off the traditional 'Frikan welcoming festivities: they grab one of Horn's humorously howling bearers and crucify his black ass upside down, as an aghast Horn & Peru look on from the window of their supermax hut. Their appetite whetted by the odiferous hor d'oeuvre, the hungry monkeys eagerly move on to the juicy White meat entree.
At this point, the boys are amazed to discover that the leader of the tribe is the object of their search - and this nubile White Goddess rules with an iron fist, too: when one of the troop hesitates in following her orders, she cracks open a can o' Whup Ass as he cowers hilariously. A horny Peru tries to reason with her - despite the fact that she only understands Chitter - saying "White people must help each other!" Da beyatch responds by giving him a dose of what she gave the cringing coon, but is astonished when he reacts not with the terrified submission she's used to, but with a proud White man's contempt.
Who IS this hunky creature that dares to defy my will? And what is this strange sensation in my moistening loins....
Anyhoo, the sooties drag 'em out of the hut, tie 'em to the crosses and pile the kindling under their heads. All looks lost - but then she has second thoughts as instinctive feelings of racial kinship kick in, and decides to shut down the party. This of course infuriates the Resentful Witchdocta eager for a fresh supply of muti fixins: he starts hooting 'n' slingin' dingleberries, stirring the spabooks up against her. She explodes in royal fury, holding them at bay just long enough to make a whistling-in-the-graveyard escape with Horn, Peru, and Horn's loyal gun-boy.
So off they go, burrs hot on their heels. Good chase ensues; they start to starve, pick up clubs and jewbluff some lions out of their Happy Meal; finally make it to safety. And they lived happily ever after. The end.
Since this flick was made in '31, it's a delightfully realistic portrayal of the Brillo Bruthas in all their jus'-fell-out-da-tree glory, with no turdcock fellation of the loathsome Bono School: "Watch how I get a roomful of ivory with a spool of wire!" a smirking Horn says to Peru when they start to trade; he repeatedly describes them as "savages" & "black devils"; neophyte Peru, momentarily charmed by the giggling bare-titty heffas, says "You're wrong about them, Horn - they're not savages, they're just ignorant children!" Camera pans to a crucified skeleton: "Just a harmless 'children's' game...." Horn replies with dry irony.
This is a good 'un, from the golden days when Bwana was respected - and feared. Totally unlike the topsy-turvy house of horrors that is today's kike-created Darkie Continent.
By all means check it out. Shit, getting a gander at Peru's giant tortoise of a pith helmet alone is worth the candle.