by Jerome P. Diddywaters
8 September 2005
Although in common use today, Orclev was rumored to have been discovered in 1770 by a dyslexic white alchemist of the Amish faith named Rudolph Snitgruber. But other than Snitgruber's notes containing a detailed description of the material, there is no actual proof for this claim. It was further rumored that at the moment of his supposed discovery, Rudolph threw up his hands in disgust, saying: "What the hell will I ever do with this stuff? I don't even know what to call it, in fact it will probably take at least two hundred years before anyone recognizes the value of it." As usual he was wrong, but Snitgruber struggled on until his death in 1789, attempting without success to develop a definitive working prototype of the sheep-dip separator.
It was not until late 1969, a mere 199 years later, that the idea for modern Orclev occurred to Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev, a talented, young, black, Negro, African-American, Jr. High student who, like Snitgruber, also happened to be dyslexic. Although still in junior high school, this talented, young, black, Negro, African-American, Jr. High student was brilliant enough to attend classes at MIT. One day as young Orclev was researching a paper on the physical principles of the theoretical atomic structure of naturally occurring distant astrophysical bodies, he happened upon Rudolph Snitgruber's notes in the MIT library. Young Orclev immediately recognized the colossal mistakes Snitgruber had made in many of his formula computations. Within minutes the talented, young, dyslexic, black, Negro, African-American, Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev had corrected Snitgruber's errors; thus began Orclev's date with history.
Although it is only rumor that Snitgruber's notes actually contained a detailed, if dyslexic, description of Orclev, it is now widely accepted that in a moment of humble altruism, the young, dyslexic black, Negro, African-American Jr. High School student, Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev actually gave due credit to Snitgruber in recognition of Snitgruber's work on the unsuccessful and unimaginative sheep-dip separator. In fact the talented, young, dyslexic, black, Negro, African-American Alfred Ebola, Anigbo Orclev insisted on naming his discovery "Snitgrubola" in honor of Snitgruber's supposed "discovery," but young Orclev's less knowledgeable, but well meaning, associates at MIT insisted that he name the substance "Orclev." Still under protest, but as a personal favor to his associates, the young, self-effacing, personable, black, genius finally consented to give his invention his last name, a name now familiar to everyone around the world.
Whatever the case with the unimaginative and probably illiterate Snitgruber, it was obvious to all that the heroic, young, dyslexic, black, Negro, African-American Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev immediately recognized the tremendous value of his discovery and the meaning of its importance to all posterity. So with a predictable flash of brilliance brought on by rubbing his head in a vigorous manner, young Orclev began development of the Orclev Atomic Blasticant Fibrulator, (OABF) a highly complex device that few rocket scientist can even operate, let alone comprehend the working principle of which. As any graduate student of nuclear physics knows, the Orclev Atomic Blasticant Fibrulator uses old tires to fumenially stabilize previously blasticated raw Oreclev into the more familiar and usable form we all know and love today, of course the rest is history. Unfortunately for all humanity everywhere, the heroic, young, dyslexic, black, Negro, African-American genius, Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev, was lost when he consumed a portion of bad chitlins at a Jr. High school reunion given at a local Tony Romas. Still, were not for the genius of a young, dyslexic, black, Negro, African-American, Jr. High school student, we would not enjoy the advantages of modern Orclev today and our world would be a much poorer place for the lack of such a universally useful product!
Many presidents and scientists since President Jimmy Carter have proclaimed the discovery of Orclev and invention of the Atomic Orclev Fibrulator by the talented, young, dyslexic, black, Negro African-American, Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev to be the most brilliant discovery/invention of the century and perhaps of all history -- yet many others, mostly white folk, simply take it for granted.
~ Finis ~
Postscript: (September 11, 1998) - Today President William Jefferson Clinton proclaimed today that henceforth in recognition of the heroic, talented, young, black, Negro, African-American Alfred Ebola Anigbo Orclev, every third Sunday after leap year would be celebrated as "Orclev Day." A day for celebrating all the manifold examples of young, black, Negro, African-American genius. Furthermore, in recognition of dyslexics everywhere, President Clinton also declared that hence forth Orclev's innovative product's name would be spelled backward.
JEROME P. DIDDYWATERS