Women: A Psychological Sketch Part 3b
Analyzing the Sex and the City Woman
by John Allington
2 April 2005
Analyzing the Sex and the City Woman
Women: A Psychological Sketch Part 3b
by John Allington
Myth: High achieving, college-educated women have a difficult time
finding husbands because of shortages of compatible males. This view was
given a big boost recently by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead's book, Why There Are No
Good Men Left.
Reality: The book and its premises are confused nonsense. These women
may be having a hard time finding a mate, but then children often have a
tough time deciding what toy they want in Toys 'R' Us. This doesn't imply
shortages of either toys or Good Men -- but does perhaps provide a glimpse into the
psychology behind the female notion of scarcity.
I dislike anecdotes because they tend to be unreliable, but this one
is a bit different. Unlike Whitehead, who merely interviewed some whiny
thirty-something women, I actually did some research on this topic.
Having recently become single, I decided to try my luck on one of those
online dating sites -- in fact the biggest one. There were lots of pictures of
attractive, college-educated women on this popular site. Since I happen to be in the
middle of the corresponding demographic group that supposedly contains 'shortages'
of eligible males for 'high-achieving' females, it sounded like a good way for a
busy guy who works in a male-dominated field to meet a compatible woman.
Think again! What I found was a collection of shallow, rude, spoiled
females who claimed to want contradictory things. Because of my poor initial
success and instead of blaming others, I assumed that the problem was with my
approach. Perhaps my profile was poor or my messages were written badly.
So I decided to conduct a little experiment to determine if my approach was the problem and if so, how I could improve it. I constructed 4 or 5 bogus female profiles which I then posted on the site. I used slightly modified face shots of some lingerie models and a couple of pictures of more average women
from a Russian mail-order bride Internet site. I riddled these bogus profiles with all the standard narrative clichés taken from real profiles in other cities, in an attempt to make them culturally and demographically similar. I also constructed some bogus male profiles to see if women ever initiate contact. I made these male profiles to be more enticing than my original profile. I was careful to make all
of these profiles sound plausible and not "too good to be true." The bogus
profiles were all in their late twenties or early thirties, had bachelors or
masters degrees and worked at professional jobs.
My experiment provided the following information and conclusions:
* The bogus female profile that received the most responses
from men was one of the Russian women, not one of the lingerie
models. This surprised me! The Russian woman had long, light brown
hair, green eyes and was in no way glamorous -- just presentable. I
conclude that men aren't looking for glamour so much as they
are looking for an attractive version of the girl next door.
* Twice as many men as women in the 25-35-year-old
college-educated demographic group were posted on the site.
Those lopsided numbers tend to dispel Whitehead's basic thesis. In
addition, there were apparently lots of additional men who
subscribed to the site but who concealed their profiles. Maybe
those men were married or maybe they thought that they would have
better luck in contacting women if the women hadn't read their
profile in advance -- i.e. they would be perceived as more
* I was surprised to learn that a significant percentage of
women who posted profiles didn't even subscribe to the site. These
sites typically allow individuals to post profiles for free but pay
to be able to send or reply to messages. Therefore, these women
probably figured that if their perfect 'soulmate' wrote to them, then
they would pay the $25 in order to reply to him. In the mean time,
they would just waste a lot of the male subscribers' time.
* In a metropolitan area of several million people, an
attractive woman in the 25-35 age group with a college education
and no children will receive between 100 - 200 messages in the
two weeks after she posts her ad. About half of those messages
will not be from demographically compatible men. For example, some will
come from different cities from guys searching the whole
country. However, one-quarter to one-half of the messages will
be decent, thoughtful replies by successful, local, demographically compatible men. Doctors, computer engineers, an airline pilot, business owners, college professors and other professionals
responded to my cliché-filled, bogus ads.
* In my demographic group, the 'high-achieving' women simply
didn't initiate contact. This supports my belief that women are
reactive rather than proactive. The other possibility is that
they read this book because they're not inclined to think for
themselves. This rule book for chicks was -- get ready -- written by a Jewish woman.
Jewish radical feminism alienated women from men and now other
Jews step in to profit from it by writing 'rule' books, making
meeting even tougher.
* There are a surprising number of lonely, successful men -- and
by extension, I suppose -- lonely women out there. This is clearly
not related to a lack of effort on the part of men -- who are wasting
tons of time trying to get the attention of these women.
* Everybody seems very busy with their jobs, working out,
socializing with their friends, etc. The successful men appear
to be cynical and frustrated; the successful women appear to be
jaded and suspicious.
* Because of the anonymous nature of the online dating site,
the women felt free to exhibit high levels of incivility. There
exists a messaging function that allows men and women to "instant
message" each other in real time. Probably three quarters of the women
whom I attempted to "instant message" rejected the conversation
when I tried to initiate it. Of the one quarter who did accept
the conversation, all but one -- after reading my profile while
chatting -- exited the conversation. Their exit was not preceded
by a "gotta go," or "sorry not interested." They would just close
their message box in the middle of the conversation with no
* Whitehead asserted that young, single women are too busy
making their mark on society, to find a mate. Well, isn't it funny
how men who built space ships, designed computers and conquered the
Western Hemisphere somehow made the time to find mates and
have children? These women, busy making their "mark on
society," certainly seem to have enough free time to clog up the shopping
malls. Anyhow, I uncovered no indication that any of these
internet dating site women were on the verge of discovering a cure for
cancer or anything of similar importance. Most were just
slightly above average IQ types with typical, 40-hour-per-week cubicle
jobs. Many were teachers and obviously have a lot of free time
* After an absence of many months, I revisited my former
dating-turned-research project. About 10 – 20 percent of the
women who were on the site 5 – 6 months ago still had their
profiles posted and active! Imagine a semi-attractive female
having hundreds of demographically compatible guys writing to her over
the span of 5 – 6 months and not one of them will satisfy her
requirements! Yeah, there are no good men left... What precisely,
would a man be called, if he had hundreds of attractive,
quality women pursuing him and he found none of them to be acceptable?
He'd be called a fool. Yet we are supposed to feel sorry for
women in the identical situation. Social historians document their
alleged plight in fuzzy narratives.
* Whitehead's contention that for men, timing of marriage is
rather incidental, is largely untrue. While it's true that men can
marry women 20 years younger, such marriages are rare. I've only seen
this common in one place before -- at an expensive overseas resort
frequented by rich men and their 'trophy' wives. Most men and
women need to be within a reasonably narrow age band in order
for them to relate to each other. In theory, a 39-year-old
bachelor can court a 21 year old woman, but unless he's got a great deal
going for him, the 21-year-old woman just isn't going to be
interested in him and he is going to have a tough time
relating to someone almost a generation younger. The ads I studied
indicated most women were looking for men (at most) five years older. A
few would consider a ten year age difference. The latter group
of women appeared to be looking more for financial security. In
any event and despite the propaganda to the contrary, there are
more high-achieving males than females in nearly every age group. So
Whitehead's claims don't pass a second grade math test. She
assumes that unlike the so-called 'high achieving' women, 'high
achieving' men aren't choosy and will look to marry the first female who
comes along. She fails to acknowledge that there is a
difference between the woman a man will fuck and the one he'll marry. That
so many newspapers and magazines took her book seriously shows
just how retarded and isolated from reality our New York print
media with its Jewish cultural milieu has become. Those people
have little understanding of how things actually work in
In retrospect, none of this should have come as a surprise to me.
Sometimes you have to waste a lot of time to discover the obvious. Unlike a man, a
young attractive woman is hit on all the time. She can't go to the grocery
store, park, shopping mall or even to work without guys periodically hitting on
her. The only variables are the when and where, not if. So why would she have to
put an ad online unless she is maladjusted, jaded or a bitch?
Our society creates high expectations among all of its members. But
among no group are expectations as high as among young, educated women. They
expect that at some point a man will support or subsidize their lifestyle,
so they are free to spend virtually their entire incomes on themselves in the present.
They travel and expect to be entertained. They want a career. They want a baby
(but often at some point in the distant future). And they want to be the center of
some man's attention. But what are they willing to give? What is expected of
them? What is their responsibility? How will they contribute? These questions are
considered inappropriate. The longer these women are single, the more accustomed
they become to having no responsibility outside of their 'career' and
caring for their ubiquitous cat. They live exactly how and where they want with no
non-economic compromises. A series of men at six month to one year intervals fund
their weekly entertainment and occasionally pay for their travel to
Does this sound like the training ground for a submissive -- or even
compromising -- wife? The feminists talk about what these women 'have to
offer.' The fact is, their most important attribute -- their fertility -- wanes
after age 27. That they've been to Italy twice, know a little French and have 45
pairs of shoes doesn't change that fact. This fertility is their primary link to the
future. Other than that, these women offer upper middle class snobbery,
expectations for expensive travel and female luxuries, and habits evolved outside of
the need for compromise. A woman who displays a willingness to postpone or forgo
her biological imperative (children) and postpone establishing a lasting,
monogamous relationship with a man for a middle class wage and her employer's
benefit is someone who clearly lacks an appreciation for life's "big picture."
Indeed, she has been programmed by society to subordinate her own evolutionary
interests to support the short-term production and consumption imperatives of
corporate America. Her altruistic tendencies have been redirected towards ends
not in her own long term best interest.
So what's the point of this essay? Just more gratuitous bitchin'
about women, right? No. I'm assuming that many of my readers are males in their
early twenties: You readers need to understand that your opportunities to
find a mate will not improve as you age. You will be choosing from a shrinking
pool of available women. As you age, you may have a lot more money which you
reason will compensate for your age, but you will also be a lot busier. Your
job will put additional expectations on you for longer hours, more duties and
maybe business travel. You may become a manager, which will require yet more time.
As your obligations and responsibilities increase, your energy level will
decline. So, say you spend your twenties screwing off, having a good time, relishing
your independence. You buy an SUV or a sports car. You acquire some
expensive hobbies. You focus on your 'career.' You buy a house and fix it up.
You put in a hot tub -- or whatever. And now, in your late twenties or early
thirties, you want to settle down. And what awaits you? The type of women described
above: a high-maintenance, unpleasant, jaded, desperate, neurotic pain in the
ass. She will be your reward for your hard work. She'll want a 30K wedding and to
boss you around like you're an incompetent accessory. She'll be a leftover,
past her prime, the one the other guys said 'no thanks' to. Enjoy!
The happiest couples I know are young. They got married in or just
after college. They now have two or three children. The women are intelligent,
educated, well-adjusted house wives. They take care of the home front while
their husbands, whom I work with, can more closely focus on their demanding jobs
(notice I didn't say 'careers'). These couples' lives are orderly and prosperous. There is an effective division of labor that reduces stress on all involved and provides a home environment in which children will flourish. They eat real food, not drive-through fare. Their children will never see the inside of a day
care center. Many will also never see the inside of a public school classroom. The
sophisticated, materialistic, urban Jews and their media tell you this family type is
a relic. They mock it. Well, these Jews and their media are lying to
you. It takes 60-70K per year in a moderately priced city to be very comfortable.
It can be done. It's down the street from me. But you have to find the right
woman to make it work. And I'm telling you that type of woman marries way before
she reaches the age of 30. So if you're still in college, you will probably never
find a better environment in which to meet a potential wife. And I don't think I
need to tell you that this type of women isn't hanging out with the lesbians at
the campus 'Woman's Center' or majoring in English Literature, decoding
phallocentic passages in Shakespeare. Nor does she yearn to be like the
insufferable, mediocre bore, Carrie, in Sex and the City.
So turn off the damn computer and go find a nice, normal,
well-adjusted woman in her early twenties who wants to do something truly radical. You
know, marry and have children. Don't be afraid of it! It is what life is all
about. The suckers are the ones who never have children. When they die, nothing will
remain in this world of them, no matter how important their 'career.'