News from Middle Earth

by Fredrik Haerne

18 April 2004

The Battle at Helm's Deep is reinstituted as a holiday

Wigorn, president of Rohan, announced last week that the anniversary of the Battle at Helm's Deep will be reinstituted as a national holiday. President Wigorn made his announcement before a cheering crowd at Helm's Deep on an unexpected visit from the newly built presidential palace at Isengard.

Helm's Day was cancelled as a holiday ten years ago, when the holiday had become a focus for human-centric groups. The statue of King Theoden was removed from the old fortress at the request of several citizens' groups, and this year the anniversary has been remade into a multicultural celebration for the purpose of overbridging old rivalries. The crowd that listened to President Wigorn's speech consisted not only of humans but also of orcs and other New Rohanians from the south, as well as representatives from the Native Rohanian reservations in the mountains. The festivities were sponsored by the Ministry of Integration.

"Let this day be a day of reconciliation," proclaimed Wigorn. "As a human, I wish to apologize for our dark past, when Rohirrim were allowed to provoke orcs and Native Rohanians on the steppes that should belong to us all." Wigorn called the Battle at Helm's Deep "the result of years of human aggression" and promised more support to immigrants from Mordor as a compensation for past wrongs.

The speech was followed by the presentation of a statue of Gr“ma Wormtongue on the spot where King Theoden's monument used to stand. The statesman Wormtongue was celebrated for his efforts to solve the differences between humans and orcs in an age when intolerance and violence reigned, and a memorial plaque was handed to his descendant Moeshe Wormtongue, owner of the Rohanian Journal and Rohanian Times and one of President Wigorn's biggest campaign donors.

Multi Earth Troops Staying in Moria

At its top-level meeting in Riverdale, the cooperative forum Multi Earth yesterday decided to renew the peacekeeping mandate of its troops in Moria indefinitely. The reason stated was the remaining risk of terrorist attacks from ultra-dwarfish elements still loyal to the old regime.

Multi Earth troops from several countries have held a presence in Moria ever since Gondor ended the civil war between dwarves and orcs. The war started when supreme ruler King Gramm attempted to exploit the growing hostility toward orcs immigrating into the northern tunnels by pushing through a populist program that can only be described as species cleansing, aimed at "making Moria a dwarfish kingdom again, gods dammit!"

Multi Earth, led by the delegation from Gondor, firmly established that such intolerance has no place in the new Middle Earth.

First Orc Ranger Celebrated

The Multi Earth meeting ended with the celebration of the initiation into the rangers of Vozgar, the first orc trained to the rank of officer in accordance with the new species quotas. Vozgar received his diploma before an auditorium of applauding delegates, who had gathered from the mountains in the north to Mordor in the south to witness this historical end to one of the last bastions of species-exclusivity.

Vozgar howled triumphantly and swung his mace in the air as the diploma was placed in his claws. The mace has been introduced as one of the new weapons in the ranger arsenal after complaints from several citizens' groups aimed at the old human-centered armory, which contained arrows, spears and other weapons too advanced to be used by an orc.

Captain Vozgar will serve among the rangers combatting separatists in the Shire, the western-most state in the Riverdale Republic. When asked if he thought the guerilla would be difficult to deal with Vozgar stated: "No. Vozgar only need vinegar and big campfire."


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