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Do Not Talk To Law Enforcement

The following is not to be used as legal advice but for entertainment only.
If you are the focus of a criminal investigation and an investigator or patrol officer asks you ANYTHING ask, “Am I under arrest?”
If the answer is no then say, “I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY” and repeat this until they leave.
Even if you are innocent do not talk to them always talk to an attorney. The prisons are filled with those who thought they could control the interview / interrogation.
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If you are arrested SAY NOTHING to the arresting officer(s) or to ANYONE ELSE other than to the jailer who will ask you questions for the booking report, which are not specific to the crime. When an investigator or officer approaches you in the booking cage area or after you are in a cell, they may engage you in casual conversation which is meant to soften you up. REMEMBER SAY NOTHING!

The investigator / officer will open the cage or cell door and will direct you to an interview room. There are HIDDEN CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES IN THIS ROOM so stay quiet and DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. They will attempt to engage you in casual conversation to soften you up. REMEMBER SAY NOTHING!
If you are dealing with an investigator, THERE MAY BE PROPS on the table or somewhere in the room…
These may include a CD in a case or Videotape in a case labeled something like “SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OF THE INCIDENT” or something like a finger print card and a FAKE form from the Department of Justice stating that the prints were a match blah blah blah THEY ARE ALL FAKE AND JUST USED TO MAKE YOU WORRY. The investigator will say nothing about these props as they serve only to unnerve you.
NOW the investigator / officer will read you your rights. If it’s an officer usually they will read them from a card. If it’s an investigator they will usually read them from a pre printed STATEMENTS OF RIGHTS form or similarly titled form.
After reading each section of your rights, they may ask you if you understand. You might as well say, “Yes” if you do.
They will then read you a statement, which says that they have not made you any deals or threats blah blah blah…
ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS TO SAY “I WANT AN ATTORNEY” They will ask you to sign the form. Just sign it as it means you understand and so what you are not going to talk anyway.
This will end the interview and you will be returned to your cell / cage. Do not talk to the jailer about your case or to any other inmates if you’re placed into a day cell.
REMEMBER they may trick you by talking about having evidence which is not true or that your friend ratted on you so just come clean blah blah blah. Hell some even go to the extent of posing as a priest and coming in with a bible L O L.
JUST REMEMBER TALK ONLY TO AN ATTORNEY if arrested and say, “I have nothing to say” if not under arrest.
Many times this will end your involvement as without a confession from you there is no case and you will be released. If this happens do not discuss the case with anyone other than attorney if you need one.
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IF they come to your home and ask to be let in, DO NOT ALLOW THEM IN and ask if they have a SEARCH WARRANT. If they say they do not have a warrant tell them go away!
If they say, they have a SEARCH WARRANT ask to see it. Many times IDIOT cops will just flash a piece of paper in front of you and say they have a warrant when they do not.

If you ever receive a traffic citation for a moving violation ALWAYS SHOW UP IN COURT. Up to 90% of the time the OFFICER WILL NOT BE THERE AND THE TICKET WILL BE DISMISSED!
Often Officers will either be working a busy shift and won’t be able to get away, have worked a night shift and are too dam tired to show up, or be off duty and not interested in showing up.
If the officer shows up and you know you can’t win just state you will plead to the offense and pay the fine when the judge offers you the chance before testimony begins.