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I love comedy.

Still do, after all these years. I love a good joke, and I love a different point of view that makes me laugh.

That’s why I got into stand up in the first place, because I’m a fan of the art form.

To this day, after 17 years in the business, I still get excited when a really good stand up goes on stage. It inspires me.
Whenever I see Chris Rock, or Dave Chappelle, or Dave Attell, or Doug Stanhope, or Jim Norton, or Nick DiPaolo, or any other great stand up comedian go on stage, I get happy.

I just love it. Even more now than ever before, because I really understand what goes into the craft of making good material.

The place you need to take your mind to think of something no one else has thought of before, or at least a thought that no one else has been able to put into a form that makes people laugh.

It’s an amazing skill, and it’s an incredibly under-appreciated art form.

I love when someone is really good at it, and I really, really fucking hate when someone is faking it.

That’s why I’ve been so outspoken against joke thieves. There is nothing more frustrating to me than seeing someone pretending that they came up with some genius shit that someone else worked really hard to form.
I’ve heard the ignorant arguments from non-stand ups like “Every comic steals.” Which is TOTAL bullshit.

Great comics don’t steal. They may be influenced by others, especially early in their careers, but the truly great ones pride themselves in being able to craft original thoughts for their audience.

There is nothing more satisfying than taking an idea that you have, fleshing it out, finding the funny parts, perfecting the flow of the words, and then presenting it to an audience and watching them howl with laughter.

It’s a fucking beautiful feeling.

A lot of comics, me included, got into comedy because we were fans of great comics, and we used to recite other comics lines to our friends.

With me, it was always Richard Pryor and Sam Kinison. They were the ones that really made me laugh, and I would recite their lines, verbatim to my friends. I loved the feeling of telling a really well crafted joke to someone that hadn’t heard it before, and watching them crack up.

It was what made me think that I could and wanted to get onstage in the first place. The joy of getting to the punch line, and seeing the look of recognition from the person you were telling it to when they related to the material, and then the rush of hearing them laugh out loud at the punch lines. It’s a beautiful feeling.

When you’re starting out and your doing typical, clumsy material, you dream of the days when you’re going to come up with some brilliant shit that’s going to impress your peers.

Some people, never get there, though. The urge to kill is just too strong, and their character is just too weak. They see someone else talking about a subject, and they’ll rewrite it and try to pretend it’s theirs, or they’ll just do it word for word, and hope no ones notices.

They never go through the hard parts, and they never learn how to do it right. They just become thieves. Their time onstage, whether they’re killing or not, is just hollow fakery.
The really scary thing, is that even though a lot of people are aware of what these guys are doing, some clubs still employ them because they can “get the job done” or put “asses in the seats” and these fucking frauds actually manage to carve out a career on other people’s ideas.

One of the real problems, is that very few comedians stand up for what’s right. They might talk about it privately, but very few step up and take a stand. I have before, especially on the subject of Dennis Leary stealing from one of my favorite comedians, the late, great Bill Hicks.

It’s commonly known amongst stand ups that Dennis stole a big chunk of Bills act, but amongst the general population it’s actually a surprise to a lot of people.

Why? Pretty much because no one that anyone would listen to on the subject stood up and said something about it publicly.

No one defended the integrity of this great art form. They just let a pretender and a hack steal ideas from a great mind. He pretty much got away with it too. He went on to have success in films, and unfortunately, Bill Hicks died of cancer before most people knew who he was or what he had to say.

It really killed me, because I started out a Dennis Leary fan. I remember watching him in Boston, laughing hysterically at his act, thinking it was all his. I was really impressed. For a few months, he was actually my favorite comedian. His jokes on Jim Fix dying while jogging, and how ironic that was, and about how John Lennon was dead, but Barry Manilow continued to pump out albums made me howl.
Then, I saw Hicks, and I really got confused. He was doing the same material, almost word for word that Leary was doing.

I didn’t get it. Something was wrong. I was only doing stand up for a few months at the time, so I asked some of the local pros, and they all had the same answer: “Leary is a thief.”

I couldn’t fucking believe it. How could this be? How could a guy stealing ideas be allowed to perform in these clubs?
The club owners just didn’t seem to care. They turned a blind eye, and profited off their hired performer pilfering material from others.

It was a horrible feeling, and it set a terrible precedent.
If he could get away with it, what would stop people from stealing my shit someday?

It turns out nothing and no one would stop them unless I stood up and said something myself.

The latest, and most disgusting joke thief off all is a guy named “Carlos Mencia.” The REALLY crazy thing, is that’s not even his real name.

He sells himself as being mexican, but the reality is his real name is Ned Holness, and he’s actually half German and half Honduran.

The mexican hook is something he did to ingratiate himself with the local Mexican population of LA where he started.
Now, normally I wouldn’t dedicate so much time to talk about a piece of shit like “ned” on my website, but this stupid motherfucker talked shit about me on the radio, so it’s open season for hacks.

Here’s what happened, and how I reported it on my messageboard, where it all started:

I got a funny email today from one of the guys on the Frank show in Tucson saying that Carlos (aka Ned Holness -or however the fuck you spell it- his real name, aka the phony mexican or carlos menstealia- what other comics call him) was talking shit about me on the radio.

He sent me an audio file, and since I’m bored in a fucking hotel room in DC, I listened to it.

I thought I would share it with you guys because you’re the cause of it with the barrage of hate you sent to his website

He talks about how you guys were saying he sounds a lot like me, and how I said “the force was weak with him” which I did, and that was being NICE. What I should have said is that he’s a fucking weak minded delusional joke thief.

What’s really interesting, is that I said what I said about him HERE. Since this is a private forum that the public can’t read unless they sign up, that means he signed up, and he’s a member here.

Did he respond here?

No. Of course not.

He sits back like a little lurker sponge sucking up ideas for new “jokes” and listening to people talk shit about him, but not having the fucking balls to stand up for himself.

What’s really funny, is that he refers to himself in this audio clip as “The punisher.” saying that’s his nickname.

Listen up, you fat delusional hack, you can’t give YOURSELF a fucking nick name, you no friends having douche bag.
I’m THE TERMINATOR!!! There, I have a nick name now!! The only thing you punish is the attention span of anyone in your fucking audience with an IQ above 60.

What’s really hysterical, is that he talks about a fictional occurrence at the comedy store I nervously watched him in the back of the room, and where me and a bunch of comics supposedly sat around and talked about him for an hour, and then finally in this fantasy scenario, I admitted that he’s really good.

I’m gonna be real clear, stupid; that NEVER fucking happened. the only time any comic, including me watches you, is to see if your stealing material.

Which you DO. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

See, that’s why people SAY you steal. Because it’s a fucking fact.

No one is running around saying Chris Rock is a thief, or Dave Chappelle is a thief, or even me for that matter. But HUNDREDS of fucking comics recognize you as a thief. What… they’re all jealous? They’re jealous of you and not Chris fucking Rock? Oh yeah, I forgot… he’s not “The Punisher!!”

I’ve seen you steal over and over again. I’ve seen you Steal from Paul Mooney, I’ve seen you steal from Dave Chappelle, I’ve seen you steal from old Richard Pryor albums, I’ve seen you steal from Jeff fucking Foxworthy.

Your mind is weak. Keep talking shit, fat boy. I’ll keep exposing you.

Enjoy the audio clip here: Carlos talking shit on the radio.

Now, the REALLY funny thing, is that “Carlos” was claiming that I was watching him onstage, pacing the back of the room, and then reluctantly admitting his greatness to other comics. Well, what’s funny about that, is that my trusty camera man actually filmed “Carlos” watching ME onstage from various parts of the room, and then filmed him sucking onstage after him, and me talking about how terrible he was.

He even edited it together with the audio from the radio station in AZ.

Check it out here: Carlos OWNED.

Here’s another great article written by someone about the phony cocksucker: Hope in America

If you really love comedy, stop supporting joke thieves.

Here’s some more audio, this time of George Lopez from the Stern show yesterday talking about what a thief “Carlos” is:
Lopez on Stern.

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